A child needs special attention on the street, if only because children are more likely to be outside the walls of their houses than their dads and mothers. Of the many criminal dangers awaiting a child on the street, I will single out three: sexual harassment and sexual crimes, teenage showdowns and participation in youth groups.
Street hazards and a child, sexual harassment and incidents, the search for a missing child.
The first danger is not the most common, but due to its scandal, it is most often exaggerated both in the press and in idle conversations.
the child in the sinlessness of adults. I agree that it is not the best advice to bring up callousness in the younger generation, but rushing at the first request for help to an adult uncle is much more dangerous than not hearing this request at all. Of course, deafness should not extend to cases when a child is asked to call an ambulance by phone, to get medicine from his pocket or to help cross the street with busy traffic. But the requests to go to help transfer something from somewhere, to wait for someone in an empty apartment or car already from a series of alarming.
Direct offers from strangers to go to the cinema, watch a video, star in a commercial, drive a car, etc. are extremely dangerous. From such “aunts” and “uncles” a child should run away without looking back. Submission to the authority of an adult most often children fails. They do not know how to resist it, because of all the adults they knew only dad, mother and grandfather and grandmother, and they did not see anything bad from them. So the rest of the adults are the same. Only the educators themselves, that is, the parents, can neutralize the instinct of submission to an adult brought up in a child for years.
Tell your child some scary, but very similar to life, fairy tales with a bad ending. Allow, not being afraid to seem poorly mannered, not to enter into a conversation with strangers, not to answer their questions, and if they persist, run away from them. Say that you will not scold them for it. Explain that only very close people can speak affectionate words, give gifts, treat with sweets, hug, kiss a child, and others only in the presence and with the approval of their parents. Encourage you to tell you about all such cases. Very often, a child, afraid of punishment, hides these facts.
If you want to control the situation, to know everything that is happening with your child, learn to speak with him in a calmly confidential, rather than command-edifying tone. Do not shout: “How dare you! I told you! If once more I’m pulling your legs out! .. ”, etc., when you suddenly find out that he“ violated ”your settings. You will only achieve that the child will become isolated, will distort the truth, keep silent about it, and you will lose information control. Whatever you hear, try to control yourself, explain the fallacy of his act, show how hard you are worried about this.
Of course, methods of direct intimidation and prohibition are more effective, but also more short-lived. Fear of the subject of prohibition is gradually forgotten and replaced by fear of punishment. As a result, the child is no longer afraid of the offense itself, but of the fact that they learn about it. For safety reasons, teach children not to enter the elevator and other enclosed spaces with unfamiliar adults, not to climb alone on dark dangerous stairs, not to enter other people’s apartments under any circumstances, etc. Teach to open combination locks on the doors and, by the way , use the elevator yourself. Do not enter the staircase alone if he has noticed a suspicious subject there.
In the case when adults ask for help, oblige the child to bring friends to help. Or ask passers-by for help. This will scare the attacker away. In case adults use physical force, teach your child about active resistance. Just teach, not tell theoretically. Play the kidnapping game with him. Let him shout out, scratch, bite. Let him train his resourcefulness. You see, God forbid, of course, it will come in handy in life. As for physical actions, muscle memory is more reliable than usual. One game game. Two or three are already training. Whether to teach children traumatic techniques blows in the eyes, groin, throat, etc., is decided by the parents. Here I am not an adviser. The ability to brutally fight a two-edged sword, one of which in the distant future may work like a boomerang.
Sexual incidents and finding a missing child.
In case of loss of your minor, and not very young child immediately (until a possible criminal has time to go far and carry away his victim), report to the police. Only not by phone, but by registering your application with the operational duty regional department (department) of the police. Tell the fallen, height, weight of your child. His special (moles, scars, etc.) signs. The style and color of the clothes in which he left. You can install it by examining the entire remaining children’s wardrobe. Call all relatives, sports sections and hobby groups at the same time, where your child goes, all his school and yard friends and pals or their parents.
Including friends of the courtyards where you used to live. It is unlikely that the child went somewhere completely alone. Anyway, someone should know where and with whom he went. Check out all the baby stuff. By their absence, you can understand where to look for him. If there is no tent and sleeping bag, you need to look in nature. No game tapes and discs went with someone to change. Missing winter clothes set off to conquer the North Pole. Be sure to find all the notepads of your child with the addresses and phone numbers of his friends. Do not forget to check his computer, where there may also be files with addresses.
In the process of a telephone search, gather a team of his friends-buddies to inspect playgrounds, cellars, attics, abandoned buildings, etc., of low-visited places where sexual maniacs like to do their job. Ask your child’s friends to come to your yard immediately, carefully inspecting the surroundings on the way. Mobilize your neighbors. One’s friends. But do not rush into the search spontaneously. Get ready for them. This will take no more than a few minutes, and the search efficiency will increase many times.
If you are in a hurry, send several people on the wanted list in order to catch up with them a little later. And do your own organizational questions! In the apartment should remain “dispatcher on the phone”, who can continue the telephone searches. Including checking hospitals, morgues, accident bureaus, etc. It makes sense to contact “children’s” public organizations that can help you with practical advice and their connections. In addition, the dispatcher will be able to cancel the search if the missing child suddenly returned home. To do this, it is advisable for a father or person who took charge of the search to carry a cell phone with him, borrow, for example, from one of the neighbors. Better lend some phones. And do not refuse pagers and walkie-talkies either.
In the next apartment, be sure to leave the “coordinating coordinator”. His task, without taking up the phone for nothing, is to answer calls from search groups. If they found something or learned something, they should call and leave detailed information. Just do not ask to remember the phone number. Take the ballpoint pen and write the phone on your wrists. The constant exchange of information allows you to coordinate the actions of search groups, if necessary, concentrate them in one place. Assemble quickly in apartments and take flashlights with you to inspect basements.
Axes or hammers for knocking down locks, just in case bandages, stun guns, gas and other weapons for self-defense and detention of the criminal. Call the housing office with a request to send you locksmiths with a set of keys to all non-residential premises. Start your search from the place where you last saw the child, or from his place of residence. Unwind the search spiral, even if the police assure you that they are doing everything possible. Maybe he does, or maybe not. It’s better to play it safe. Do not rush around the yards. In the search should be a system and order. It is necessary to decide what to inspect first, then what. In order not to check the same territories, clearly distribute search locations.
Checked areas should be noted in a notebook. Or even on your hand. As you search, find out who, when and where the last time you saw your son or daughter. Interview residents of nearby homes. Show a photo (it’s better to capture several of them from home). Involve people in the search, instructing them to inspect their home and yard. With a large-scale search, you need to disperse from home in circles. First check the house (apartments of all friends, basement, attic, stairs), then the yard, then the adjacent houses and their courtyards, then the houses located behind them … Without missing a single square meter of space. And not missing a single person who can be shown a photograph of the wanted person. Their success depends on the proper organization of searches..
But, of course, to a lesser extent than from teaching children the rules of prevention. For what, I repeat, they need to be taught reasonable suspicion, the ability to refuse requests from adults and the ability to provide physical resistance. Children of older age should from childhood (in adolescence this will be perceived as an attempt on freedom) to teach, leaving home, to report where, with whom and how much he leaves.
The final topic of advice is what to do “after that”. Firstly, try to catch on the hot pursuit of the criminal who is with your child … Of course, if these tracks did not have time to cool down. Mobilize the adult yard population, grab and knit all the passers-by, similar in description to the pervert. Police will separate the guilty from the innocent. And the “accidental victims” of your vigilance, as soon as they find out what’s the matter, I think they will understand and forgive you. Secondly, do not put pressure on the children’s psyche. He was pressed without you. What was it was. And do not aggravate. Do not dare to yell, rebuke, shame, threaten, promise that next time … And even cry, emphasizing the size of the tragedy that befell your child.
If you don’t want to aggravate a child’s mental trauma, keep yourself in check. And it is better to turn to a child psychologist for help so that he helps you choose the most appropriate line of behavior. In the future, try not to recall the tragedy that once happened. You should not tell your child even after a year: “If you don’t obey me and come home late, what may happen then!” This kind of trouble cannot be an argument in a dispute! This is the past to be forgotten! Forever forget it! And you…
I wonder if you will be pleased if your friends, before leaving you for the night, will be asked to go to the toilet more often, because before ten years you wrote to bed? So, your child will be a hundred times unpleasant. And, more importantly, it is not indifferent to its forming psyche. Everything. Let’s leave this topic too tragic.
Based on materials from the School of Survival during the Economic Crisis.